It’s the thing I learned the most. The thing that was the most difficult to learn. The thing that once I figured out its place in the process has made it possible to literally come to the brink of mental insanity and then turn around and walk back.
The possibility of Learning from the experience.
I know, a lot of people talk about it. They say be grateful in bad times, smile and love yourself and all that crap. And it drove me to distraction at times. Because everyone talked about it but nobody actually told me anything.
And of course now I know why. Learning is a personal thing. Healing is a personal thing. And the process is different for everyone. The lessons are the same, but the way they are learned varies from person to person.
Which makes absolute sense. You are not me. I am not you. I need to learn my lessons in a way that makes sense to me. That does not mean it will make sense to you. So step by step instructions to healing will vary from person to person.
Still, everyone speaks in abstractions and often I find that people are only partly healing and that they decide they’ve come far enough and stop. Or they do a specific thing all the time never realizing that this is a very organic process. What works one day, week, month, or year, may not work the next.
It’s something I have found in the holisitic world all too often. The healers are healing because they need to be healed. They believe they are healed, but all too often they are missing a piece here or there that is keeping them from truly becoming who they are.
And that piece is usually protection. The general idea seems to be, “It’s ok to help people at my expense because I am helping people.” But that is exactly what drives people to being wounded in the first place.
It is not ok to put other people before oneself all the time. It’s just wrong. It’s like trying to give money to homeless people on the corner and never replenishing the money in your wallet. Eventually you run out of money and then you can’t, just cannot, give them anything.
You have to take care of yourself first. Contrary to popular societal grooming, helping others before yourself is the worst way to go. Yes I get a high when I help people. Yes I get all the benefits everyone always talks about when helping others.
But I didn’t get them until after I learned to take care of myself. And I learned that taking care of myself once or twice does not keep my wallet full. I have to fill it up daily, with as much or more than I plan to use daily. And suddenly my wallet is overflowing and I can help more people than I ever thought possible.