So my favorite subject, Love. What is it? This question had me baffled for some time. I was at my friend’s house, the one in the previous posts, and we were meditating in front of his alter. (No we haven’t talked yet, this was before we had a fall out).
I love meditation. I may have said that before, but I truly love it. Meditation provided the space for me to actually start my healing process. Without it I would have gotten somewhere but it would have taken far longer.
Meditation forced me to be with myself and that forced me to look at myself and that forced me to either kill myself or learn to love myself. For me it was impossible to stay that miserable so those were my choices. I hope it never gets that bad for you. And if it does, then meditate and decide to start accepting yourself.
Meditation is the thing on which all my healing is hinged. And that includes sleeping and prayer and journaling or driving in the car and screaming and crying, all of which are just different types of meditation.
So we were in front of his alter meditating. And an Indian Goddess showed up and told me my mission in life. Which was unexpected, but that’s what happens to me in meditation when I have no set intention but just being in the moment. She told me my mission in life was to teach love to the world.
And my immediate response was fear. How on earth was I supposed to teach love to the world? I didn’t know what love was. I didn’t grow up with a healthy version of it. Heck I had barely started coming to terms with God loving me and allowing myself to feel it and that it was ok to bask in it.
All the I can’ts came rushing into my heart and soul. She just stared at me and left me to work things out a bit. Finally I got to the point of asking her how I was to do this and sent a wordless bundle of energy to her.
She kind of just shrugged and said become love.
That set off a whole new slew of fears. I was crying by this point. My friend was just letting me have my moment. I was swaying and twitching and not fully aware that I was doing any of this.
So finally I came to ask how do I become love? Her answer was What are you now? My answer was I am fear. Everything I do and say is based in fear. She responded with change the fear with love. I asked what is love? She didn’t really respond. I just got a vague feeling of what love was and the impression to learn.
So I did.